How I Quit Smoking Forever



I don’t know whether there was a better way for me to finally quit smoking. I only know that I tried to give up at least three times over the course of several years and the last time was successful. I’m not claiming any special expertise here. Giving up smoking is something you only want to do, successfully, once!

I didn’t use anything such as patches, pills or gums. Apart from anything else I ‘d got the impression using them offered no guarantee of giving up smoking and that such things would have to be ’given up’ too. Looking back, I’d say I finally got my thinking right and applied patience, self-discipline and a huge amount of determination. Here’s how, at last, I kicked the habit.

The Same Old New Year

Every year, as Christmas was getting close, my wife and I would have the same sort of conversation about whether we would try to stop smoking in the New Year. We never did try because it was always a bad time. We had stresses at work, we had stresses at home, and how can you give up smoking the day after New Year?! It’s the biggest night of the year for drinking and, of course, smoking and generally celebrating. The one day we couldn’t face quitting smoking was 1st January.

But, one year we had that conversation and, finally realising that New Year’s resolutions are usually doomed to failure after a week, we decided to try to quit the habit, but with what I believe to have been a crucial difference.

It just happens to be the case that my birthday falls at the end of January and my wife’s falls at the beginning of March. We like to celebrate our birthdays (even now!) and at that time the thought of having a few drinks without cigarettes to go with them was, to say the least, daunting.

We decided to put ourselves on notice that we would quit smoking together the day after my wife’s birthday. That gave us about two and a half months to get used to the idea and that was what made all the difference.

I used to smoke about thirty a day and my wife smoked about ten a day so mine was the worse habit although my wife still needed her cigarettes.

Our experiences were similar but I’ll focus on mine (as I know what I experienced).

Notice To Quit

For the first month I carried on smoking, as usual, with the feeling that I had plenty of time to go before I had to quit and, for now, everything was okay. After those first few weeks on ‘notice to quit’ I started to feel anxious that I was going to lose something that had been with me for the last twenty-five years and it wasn’t comfortable. My reaction was to smoke as much as I could. I must have been smoking forty a day in my futile attempt to make up for what I was going to lose! I couldn’t keep that up and after another couple of weeks or so I cut back down to my usual thirty a day. But then I found that, in accepting that I was going to have to stop smoking, I started to smoke a few less than thirty a day.

To my surprise, I found that I was coming round to the idea. I started thinking how I would be free of the need to have cigarettes with me all the time, free of the sense of impending deprivation if I was about to run out of cigarettes, free of the need to find opportunities to smoke when policies and laws were banning smoking in so many places.

The only trouble was, I was still (without being too dramatic) an addict and I had to get through the process of quitting smoking before I could get to that feeling of liberation I was anticipating.

This Is It!

At last, the day on which we had agreed to quit smoking forever arrived. It just happened that that day was a Monday so we had the benefit of going to work in smoke-free offices. I used to have a cigarette on the way to work so my day began with a challenge. I wasn’t sure just how I was going to get through even these first hours.

It occurred to me that I was, essentially, taking back the ability to decide the way I was going to live. I hadn’t really realised just how much smoking dominated my life. It seemed that pretty much everything I did and where I went was organised around my need to smoke. So, the key to getting through the feelings of withdrawal and the sense of deprivation was to keep uppermost in my mind the fact that this was my choice. So, every time I thought that I wanted a cigarette I had to remind myself that I had committed to giving up smoking and that I was choosing not to have a cigarette.

It was hard. On that first day I was counting the minutes that I hadn’t smoked a cigarette going from five to ten then twenty then thirty. The first hour was an achievement. I got through the next hour in ten minute increments. Then I encouraged myself by reflecting that I had got through the first two hours and I still wasn’t climbing the walls in desperation. As the day went on, I was counting the hours by the half hour and then by the hour. Each period of time was an achievement to acknowledge. At last, the time came to go home.

The next day seemed a little easier. I was marking the hours without a cigarette rather than the minutes. I was feeling that I could do this. The act of making a choice every time the desire for a cigarette arose seemed to be working for me. It was probably because I was taking back some control over my life, which I had surrendered to my addiction.

Getting Through The First Week

In the first week, each day was getting a little easier than the previous one. When I say each day, I mean my working day. I had work to do to occupy my mind, I was working in a non-smoking office and I took minimal breaks just for coffees, teas and lunch.

But, the evenings were a different matter! The emotional side of the process was the difficult bit. As I understand it, smoking represses anger (like alcohol represses fear) so both of us were in pretty volatile states! We were rowing every evening and, at least once, we caved in and each had a cigarette.

Part of the problem lay in our different approaches. My wife wanted a complete ban on having cigarettes at all, whilst I was going around with a pack of twenty and a lighter, which I could choose not to use. I found that, because I could have a cigarette, that somehow reinforced my choice not to do so. When my wife found out she was furious. She grabbed the cigarette pack, ripped it apart and flung the remains in the bin!

That was a few days into our giving up smoking. Maybe she had been right or maybe after those first few days I was feeling it was just a bit more possible but after that we didn’t smoke again – ever.

What Made The Improbable Possible

There were several things which all combined to make the process of finally quitting smoking a success.

First, we both wanted to be around horses more and, since smoking and stables are a hazardous combination, this gave us a positive motivation. I think having something to be able to do or do more which smoking has prevented or limited is a key factor. It is widely accepted that to beat any addiction you have to really want to do it. I know that unless that strong desire is there it will be near impossible to quit. I saw my father die of cancer after a lifetime of smoking. I saw my uncle, his brother, die a couple of years later from cancer, also after a lifetime of smoking. I had had pneumonia and, a few years later, pleurisy and none of those experiences stopped me from smoking. Looking back I wonder at my stubborn resistance to the idea of quitting smoking but that was part of the self-delusion that addiction brings.

The other key factor in successfully giving up smoking is determination. I found that this was the one thing that kept me going when it got difficult to resist the urge to give in.

I also recognised that support can be found even if its not apparent. Many smokers wish that they could give up and are often very supportive of anyone who tries. Having a smoke-free environment to be in was also a great help. I used to work in an office (before the ban) in which more than half the people smoked. No chance of quitting there!

I found having my mind occupied with various things to concentrate on was a great way of not thinking about cigarettes. I also found in the early days that having something healthy to snack on was good. I became a bit of a ‘fruitaholic’ with grapes to hand on my desk.

I found, as time went on, that I developed an aversion to cigarette smoke outside. I could cope with it indoors but somehow it became pretty repugnant in the open air. In fact, it still is.

As a forward-looking decision, to preserve our social life, my wife and I decided to avoid the born again anti-smoking stance that some people take up. It is an extension of the point of view that smoking or not smoking involves a choice. We weren’t about to ditch friends because they still smoked. It was interesting, though, that those smokers who came to our home would usually respect our choice and not smoke, even though we made it clear that they could do if they wanted!


Life Goes On

As time goes by, the time of smoking the last cigarette recedes into the past. Every week and then every month since that last cigarette adds to the sense of achievement and strengthens my resolve to never smoke again. At some indeterminate time, I went from being someone who was giving up smoking, to someone who is a non-smoker. That is how I think of myself now and I don’t imagine I’m ever going to change that.

I know this isn’t the only way and that there are many sources of help and support around. I do say, though, that if the thought of quitting smoking seems daunting or even impossible, the reality isn’t.